4 Tips to Juggling Motherhood and Grandparenthood
Over the last several years Iāve noticed a trend: There are quite a few parents who have adult children and have a second generation of children still in primary school ā just like I do. I have a 25-year-old daughter who is a mom to an almost 4-year-old princess and I have three younger children ages 12, 11 and 9.
Having such a large gap between my first and second children wasnāt in the plans, but now that itās a reality I have been surprised at the amount of balancing techniques I need to use. In the beginning, there was the balance between an infant and toddlers vs. a teenager. And as soon as I mastered ā ahem, adjusted to – that life there were new scenarios to balance.
What I didnāt anticipate, or even think about, was having an adult child whoās a parent while having young children. The situation made me realize that I wasnāt prepared. Like most grandparents I want to shower my granddaughter with gifts, roll on the floor in abandonment and be there for every moment of her life.
Reality set in immediately when I realized all of those gifts wouldnāt be possible because Iām still raising children. As a single mother, most of my funds are tied up and I donāt have the freedom of being the type of grandmother ā or Gigi as my grandbaby calls me ā Iāve always dreamed of being.
Over the past almost four years Iāve figured out a few things that help me to successfully juggle being a mommy and a Gigi. Here are 4 tips to balancing motherhood and grandparenthood:
- Release the guilt. Not being able to do the things I wanted to with and for my granddaughter Autumn made me feel extremely guilty. In order to abate the guilt, practice this āmind exercise:ā Consider all of the things you can and will do as well as the substance you add to your grandchildās life. Even though I am not able to buy everything or be present all the time, Iām available when needed for pickups from daycare or babysitting on occasion. And, as an added bonus, Iām able to say ānoā when necessary.
- Know your village. It delights my heart that the other side of Autumnās family, her daddyās side, has rallied around the young couple. The other grandmother, Mimi, has been able to provide clothes and other needed items, and my daughterās godfather is still a big part of her life. Mimiās father also provides babysitting and pickup as needed. When you realize your child and grandchild have a larger support system it helps to ease your mind, which also assists in releasing the guilt.
- Organize and schedule. I often feel isolated and left out; if that sounds familiar then stay abreast of your child and grandchildās schedule. Every once in a while my daughter and I sit down and coordinate our schedules. We keep our planners up-to-date with each otherās appointments, school events and activities plus thereās the added necessity of her spending time with her young siblings. With organizing and scheduling (write it down!) you can reference your calendar at any time and determine when youāll see your babies, or vice versa, again. Youāll be prepared and have something to look forward to.
- Have fun and relax. A study of 120 grandmothers in the Womenās Healthy Aging Project* found that taking care of your grandchild just once a week helps to keep dementia and Alzheimerās at bay. One day every week or so of taking care of my granddaughter is comforting if I remind myself to relax and have fun. As parents whoāve already raised a child(ren) we know that time passes quickly and little moments are fleeting so we need to enjoy each moment as it comes.
Itās my hope that these four steps help you as much as theyāve helped me. When you keep these things in mind youāll realize success in balancing your roles as mommy and grandmother.
*The study was conducted in Australia and published in the online edition of Menopause, the journal of The North American Menopause Society. Further studies revealed that taking care of grandchildren up to five days a week had the opposite effect. Having realized that grandmothers are spending a lot of time taking care of their grandchildren, there are further studies on the horizon to better understand the effects on their future health.
MY BIO
Petula Lloyd is the blogger behind Petula Writes where she shares product reviews, health news, and snippets of life. She has been a writer for 23 years and has just as many years of experience balancing writing life and parenting.
So happy to be featured here. I hope these tips help others… and that they come by and read more. š Thanks a lot, Prerna.
We are so glad that you are a part of this feature and collaboration and I personally love the way you have handled this stage of your life.
The tips sure are helpful Petula.
Im sharing this with my mom & Mother-in-law.
Mom is a Mom & every daughter would love to have her Mom spend time with her kids without exerting herself.
Guess if every Daughter and Daughter-in-law keep these things in mind, every child will have good, secure, loving childhood and the families will be more relaxed and happier š
I can relate so well. Being a grandma is one of the best things in my life!
Hihihi. This gives me reasons to tell my mom to look after my boys even for a day in a week. She has no signs of having dementia but its good to encourage her to spend more time with the kids. Thank you for the share, gorgeous grandma.