For mothers having a child is a life changing experience, it’s an emotional journey and it consumes them but what about dads? Why don’t they ever discuss kids, parenting, have facebook groups or schools whatsapp groups? Why do they seem so composed or nonchalant, almost? This post takes you deep into their minds. Let’s hear it from the dads.
Arunendra Kumar is a dad to two girls and a son and now a proud grand dad. He says;
Parenting is, perhaps, the most difficult job in the world with no salary. Yet, none of the parents go for tuitions. They merely rely on peer group and elders advice and on experience which they gain as the time passes. Like stock market, there is no assurance that past success will lead to future gains. The form of client changes. It was a baby, growing to a child and maturing as an adult – both male and female. Self expectations are phenomenal and failures are not immediately visible. Yet the ecstasy of the moment blooms endlessly.
All 3 of my kids were different in nature. Eldest daughter was very verbose and outgoing. She always put words to what she felt, so understanding her was easier. My younger daughter was of a reserve nature. My wife and I had to decode from her facial expressions and figure out what was in her mind. My son spoke less but very relevant and apt. So all kids were challenge in their own ways but beautiful challenges of my life. I feel my wife and I have succeeded as parents as today my kids are raising their kids on similar lines as we have.
Gaurav Saxena as a father of a 15-year old daughter and a 13-year old son feels somewhat peeved.
Is my relationship with my kids genuine ? Does it have trust? Is it open? Do I listen?
Generation X, which I belong to, saw computerization in the world. Post-millennials which my kids belong to are habituated with high speed internet on a click – are my ideologies relevant today ? Their questions seem to constantly challenge my comfort zone and then some – can I go on a date? when can I start drinking ? why June is the Pride month ? Phew !!
So, what’s right ? Who’s right ? what impact it will have on our relationship? am I a liberal dad ? Or am I conservative ? Or is it about my image ?
Kids have an exploratory mind, they are continuously enthused with changes around them and their questions are real.
To me, the image of an ideal father is one who provides emotional and financial support to the family. In one of my tough conversations with my daughter I brought that point out and to my surprise that was irrelevant for her. “Don’t judge,” was her answer. She wants me to be communicative, empathetic, open and listen to what she wishes to say. I was taken aback – do I have to do this ? Shouldn’t my wife be doing this ?
I worry that I get reduced to just being a good listener, will I be able to help them attain their personal goals? Are they drifting ? How can I get them back ? What if they fail ?
I realize while writing that I have more questions than answers..and I suppose that’s true for my journey as a father where I need to reflect more and judge less. Last 15 years of “work experience” as a father has made me learn that I do not know it all and neither do my kids. It’s learning that evolves every day with its bitter and sweet moments !
As my kids begin their journey from teens to adult, I look forward to walking with them together down this beautiful road and fully embrace its highs and lows!
Rushabh Turakhia dad to a 14-year-old boy says;
I learnt to be transparent; I learnt that if I want my son to follow the values I preach, I need to live by those. Just asking him to do won’t work, if I myself don’t follow it.
He has taught me to be compassionate and sensitive, I think it’s after his birth I have been more receptive and emotional.
It’s been 14 years, but I don’t remember any of my mood swings, or frustration has come on him, that’s how he taught me to be more patient.
I remembered writing an article, one of the things I learnt, was to ‘Let Go’. Children forget and forgive quickly, and it’s so important to be happy.
This post was eye-opening for me. Different dads, different perspectives and probably will take a lot more digging to understand dads better. We are so grateful to the ones who contributed to this post, because we need to hear it from the dads. We need to understand their perspectives. We also need them to participate a lot more in parenting, because after all it was never meant to be one person’s job. We at @maaofallblogs would love to hear from you. We are opening a dad’s corner with this post and you are free to write in to [email protected] and share your views anytime.