The relationship between Moms and daughters is ever-changing with time & circumstances. Here’s a look at some of the milestones on this journey.

“I am a strong woman because a strong woman raised me.”

I like to consider myself a strong, independent woman. I live life on my own terms and haven’t let anything or anyone stop me from achieving my dreams. I’d like to give myself credit for this, but I know that I can’t – because that credit goes to my mother!

The Relationship between Moms And Daughters

3 Years: “Beautiful Girl“

My earliest memory of my Mom is when we lived in a small town called Nagda in Madhya Pradesh, India. I remember watching movies in an OAT (open-air theatre) and taking walks with her in the beautiful gardens nearby.

Like it is with Moms and daughters of that age, I was completely smitten by her. She was the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I wanted to copy everything she did. 3-year-old me would follow her around like a duckling, chattering nonstop!

8 Years: “Little Miss Sunshine“

My Mom started studying for her B.Ed exams when I was in Class 2, and I remember she was doing it while managing the home and taking care of all our needs. I’m amazed that she was able to clear her exams amidst all that chaos!

Surprisingly, even though she was now qualified to teach, my mother decided not to pursue a career. Of course, at that age, I didn’t think too much about it, but now I know she made a choice to dedicate herself completely to her family. Today, as a grown woman, I realize what a supreme sacrifice that was.

12 Years: “Someone Great“

As I entered middle school, I developed more interests outside the home, and friends were an important part of my life. They used to come home often, and my Mom always received them graciously. She served them orange juice and bhelpuri, and always had a smile ready for us.

I had lots of school work, extra tuition classes and of course, playing with my friends! My Mom and I were spending less time together now, although she still made time to oil my hair and play Scrabble with me. Yes, we were among the Moms and daughters who bonded over board games!

14 Years: “Clash of the Titans“

I suppose this is true of all Moms and daughters, but as soon as I hit my teen years, our relationship changed overnight!

I get my first period, and I freak out! My Mom, however, calms me down and explains that this is perfectly normal, and that it’s just for a few days every month. It was a bit of a shock to realize that this ‘every month’ would continue for the next 30-40 years!

My hormones started messing with my mood, and I started to argue frequently with both parents, especially my Mom. I became more secretive about my life; I wasn’t going to share all the details about my crushes and outings with my Mom! We disagreed frequently – about exams, about spending time with friends, talking too much on the phone and so on. Thank God, there wasn’t social media then!

18 Years: “Away We Go“

At 18, I became an adult and it was time to flee the nest. I moved to Delhi for my undergraduate course, and I was excited! After the protective environment of my parents’ home, it felt like I was a free bird, ready to explore the big world out there.

Of course, my romantic notions of living alone in a big city weren’t exactly realized, as I found out soon enough. Life in a big city can be brutal, and my naive self had to face many shocks. But despite everything, Moms and daughters have an invisible connection, and I always thought about her when it came to making any decision. I couldn’t do anything, even taking a weekend trip, without informing her first. She was my guiding light!

25 Years: “Stand By Me“

Life got busier after I graduated, with a new job and adult responsibilities like paying rent and buying groceries. Mom was always just a phone call away, but we didn’t have much time for deeper conversations during our busy days.

However, when I fell in love and told her about the man I wanted to marry, she was the one who supported me the most. He was from an entirely different cultural background, but that didn’t bother her at all; she was only concerned about whether I was happy and if I was sure. I was so happy that I had her blessing when starting this new chapter of my life. Like all Moms and daughters, we have a special photo of us on our wedding!

30 Years: “Baby Mama“

Soon enough, I got pregnant and after my husband, my mother was the first person I informed! She was delighted at becoming a grandma! This stage in my life was one of the times when I spent a lot of time talking to my Mom. I called her up with hundreds of doubts and questions, and she patiently answered all of them.

When my baby arrived, I was feeling all over the place, emotionally and physically. Amidst so many changes, my Mom was the grounding factor in my life, the one I could lean on. She stayed up nights with me, taught me little hacks for handling a newborn and even took the baby off my hands whenever I needed a break. I can’t imagine going through the postpartum stage without her!

35 Years: “Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again“

If you’re a parent, you know that once a child enters your life, it turns upside down – completely! It was the same with me, and when I had my second child, my Mom was there again. Now a seasoned Grandma, she was familiar with the routines of our household and could blend in seamlessly.

It was surprising for me to see what a different person she became as a grandmother. This was not the woman who raised me! My kids got away with everything, and all the rules I had as a child suddenly didn’t apply. I admit I was a little jealous seeing this version of her!

45 Years: “Everything Everywhere All at Once“

As I entered my forties, my kids were older and more or less independent. This was a relief, since I was now dealing with the annoying effects of perimenopause. Fatigue, itchy skin, belly fat – not fun at all!

The silver lining here was that my Mom had already been through everything, and she was once again a guide for me. She had her own little hacks to deal with those niggling issues, and she shared them with me. But she was getting older and frailer, and it pained me to see that she wasn’t as fast or nimble as before.

60 Years: “Make Way for Tomorrow”

I’m not there yet, but this is what I expect is going to happen. In the (hypothetical) future, I am 60, and my Mom is in her 80s. She’s weaker, has health issues and needs me more than ever.

The tables have turned, and it is now my turn to be there for her, to pick up whenever she calls when she needs something. Yes, I have a busy life and don’t always find the time for her, but then I imagine being in her position a few decades later – how would I feel then?

The relationship between Moms and daughters is unlike any other; it’s very different to the one between fathers and sons, or fathers and daughters. It is a special kind of bond that is a reflection of many things, including how society treats women.

Mother-daughter relationships also often have generational trauma built into them, but many Moms are trying to move past that so that the cycle ends with them. If you find yourself locking horns with your mother frequently, maybe it’s time to consider a few things.

Are you expecting too much from her or do you have some unresolved childhood issues? Maybe you need to work on healing yourself first – when you feel good about yourself, your relationships automatically improve. At the end of the day, our mothers are our ultimate comfort zones – a place we can retreat to without judgment, at any time, and at any age.

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 Prerna is the founder, editor and owner of ‘Maa of All Blogs’, one of India’s Top Parenting Blogs. Besides being a certified Ashtanga Yoga instructor, she is also a fashion designer and an economics graduate.

When she’s not busy running her home and business, she ensures she stays active – whether it’s running the half marathon, completing the Oxfam walk or climbing to the Everest base camp. Prerna enjoys wearing all her hats, and she does so in style!

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