How do you go about talking to kids about abuse? Well, here’s everything you should know, along with tips to make the conversation easy.

Being a parent is fun – and scary! You’re constantly warning your children about potential dangers and doing everything you can to childproof your home and car. After all, we want our little ones to be able to live and play in a safe environment.

But are you ensuring their body safety?

While no parent wastes time teaching their child about fire safety or water safety, body safety often doesn’t find a place in the conversation. Some of us think it’s too early. Some of us think it’s too scary. Some of us simply don’t know where to start.

Every child has the right to a life free from abuse of all kinds. Unfortunately, we share a world with perverts and criminals; this means that talking to kids about abuse isn’t something you can avoid or put off.

So if you’re wondering how to get this conversation started, we’re here to help you out. We’ve put together a quick guide to talking to kids about abuse, so that you can help your child be aware and learn how to handle an uncomfortable situation.

Your Guide to Talking to Kids about Abuse

1. Use the right words

It’s common for parents to have nicknames or slang words to refer to private parts, like ‘wee-wee’ or ‘hoo hoo’. However, this only gives kids the impression that these parts are not to be talked about, so they’ll always associate them with shame.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends teaching kids the correct names of genitals, like penis, vagina or buttocks. You can start when your child begins potty training, and reinforce these terms during bathtime.

Using the right terms teaches your child that these are parts of the body, just like the nose or eyes, and that they will not get into trouble for speaking about them. The more confident and aware kids are about their own bodies, the more likely they are to inform you when they feel uncomfortable or if something inappropriate has happened.

2. Help them understand boundaries

Teaching boundaries is a crucial part of talking to kids about abuse. This starts by teaching your kids which parts of the body are private. These include the parts covered by a swimsuit, as well as their mouth.

Teach kids that no one should touch their private parts, and no one should ask them to touch their private parts either. They should also know that no one is allowed to take pictures of their private parts. Based on their age, you can try to explain what ‘private’ means, and using a doll or stuffed animal may help.

You can clear any confusion by saying that only Mommy and Daddy can see them naked, and their doctor can too, because Mommy or Daddy will be there with them. This helps them understand the concept of privacy better.

3. Teach the value of ‘No’

Many children have trouble saying ‘No’, especially to adults. However, consent is an important lesson when you’re talking to kids about abuse. Teach kids that their bodies belong to them, and they can – and should – tell someone ‘No’ if they’re uncomfortable.

Teach them that consent goes hand in hand with respect, and that they don’t have to agree to uncomfortable touches out of ‘respect’ for the person. This especially applies to communities where children are taught that elders are to be respected, no matter what.

Teaching kids to say ‘No’ increases their confidence. They should also know that this applies in reverse – they shouldn’t try to hug or kiss someone if the person says ‘No’.

4. Help in identifying unsafe situations

In most cases, children get signals from their bodies when a situation is getting bad. However, they may not be able to identify these warning signs when they’re in the environment.

That’s why talking to kids about abuse should include teaching them how to recognize their body’s warning signs, as well as what to do in that situation. The warning signs may feel like a fast heartbeat, butterflies in the tummy, or feeling hot and sweaty.

When they’re with someone who’s making them feel this way, teach them to take immediate action. They can excuse themselves to use the bathroom, or go and find a trusted adult, or at least move to a safe place.

5. Create a trusted network

You’ll notice that all these tips on talking to kids about abuse involve reaching out to a trusted person. It’s important for every child to have at least 4-5 trusted people, creating a network of safety around them. As a parent, it is your duty to tell your child who these are; they could be family members, friends or teachers.

By having a trusted network, not only does your child have more than one person to rely on in any situation, but they also have someone besides Mommy and Daddy to talk about uncomfortable things. This is especially true of older kids, who may find it a little awkward speaking to their parents.

6. Teach the difference between secrets and surprises

A trick many child abusers use is to use the idea of a ‘secret’. They will tell the child to keep the abuse a secret, either in a friendly manner or in a threatening way – ‘If you tell anyone our secret, I will hurt your Mommy‘.  This prevents kids from reporting the abuse, and the perpetrator gets to repeat the crime.

This is why it is crucial to teach the difference between surprises and secrets when talking to kids about abuse. Kids should know that secrets associated with their bodies are not to be kept secret. Surprises are different, like when they’re planning a surprise birthday party for a sibling. They will learn that withholding information for a surprise is short-term, unlike an unsafe secret.

One important thing to remember when talking to kids about abuse is that this is not a one-time conversation. It’s something that you keep talking about, so that it becomes a regular topic in your household. This way, whenever your child feels the need to talk or ask questions, they’ll feel comfortable coming to you anytime. Make sure you do your bit too, by being aware of the people in your child’s life, as well as their online activity. Always vet caregivers beforehand, and avoid sharing any of your child’s information online. Together, let’s build a safer, happier world for our kids!

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 Prerna is the founder, editor and owner of ‘Maa of All Blogs’, one of India’s Top Parenting Blogs. Besides being a certified Ashtanga Yoga instructor, she is also a fashion designer and economics graduate.

When she’s not busy running her home and business, she ensures she stays active – whether it’s running the half marathon, completing the Oxfam walk or climbing to the Everest base camp. Prerna enjoys wearing all her hats, and she does so in style!

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