I know we lead very busy lives, I know we are barely managing our own schedules, I know all of that but whenever you can just reach out to the woman you meet every day at the bus stop. The woman who you see rushing in and out daily, looking all flustered and lost. She is probably new or there is something that is not right in her household. The maid is absconding, husband travels a lot, in-laws are not supportive, cranky kids. There can be many reasons and trust me we have all gone through this. She may even at times come rude to you and might have picked up a fight with you. I know what I am asking you to do is not easy and none of us are saints who can forgive and forget.
All I am saying is that words are a powerful weapon and some of the phrases can seriously hurt anyone whether the phrases are said clumsily, accidentally or on purpose. People love giving advice to each other and moms love it especially. It is though with good intent but sometimes it is without thought as to how the other mom can perceive it.
Becoming a mom is learning all about strengths you didn’t know you had and deal with fears you didn’t know existed. A mother’s job is the most thankless job but it is also the most beautiful emotion. We all have fellow mothers connected to us in one way or other. We know many moms from friends, family and co – workers, but at times we do say things which are not too important or might be not required but they leave an impact on a mother.
The next time, you are talking to a mom, take some time out to consider what you are about to say. As motherhood can be stressful, especially for first timers, criticism or backhanded comments from other moms or family members can make this special time harder and annoying to new mums.
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Here are some of the things which you should never say to a mom:
You look tired.
(To a mom who stays home): What do you do all day?
(To a mom who works): Do you ever see your kids? How do you manage to travel so much?
(To a new mom)I know how difficult life gets after a baby.
You must breast feed.
You are so swollen.
You look stressed.
Stop holding your kids so much, you need to let them stumble a bit.
I would never let my child eat sugar.
You spoil your child.
I never let my child watch that much TV.
My child will literally eat anything.
Oh! Are they not talking yet?
Oh! Is he/she not sitting up yet?
The teacher says that my child is Xx years ahead of his reading/writing age.
My child always eats fruits and vegetables without a fight.
I can’t believe your kid can count to 10 already.
My kid is already toilet trained.
Sleep, when your baby sleeps.
Your baby sure does cry a lot!
It only gets worse as they get older.
You really wanted a boy/a girl child?
Are you going back to work soon?
Are you ready for another?
He/she doesn’t look like you!
I saw your kid crying on the class trip today. I think she missed you.
I will not allow anyone else to raise my kids.
I don’t know how you do it. I’d feel guilty.
Do you trust your babysitter?
Good for you to put your career first.
I would miss my child too much to be away from him/her all day.
I don’t know how you do it. It must be too hard.
You must be very organised to balance everything.
There is always time to work later; these early years are so precious.
I am surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems successful.
When are you due?
You know how this happens, right?
Is your kid still in your room at night?
Are you still breast – feeding?
Your kid still uses a pacifier/bottle?
When are you going to have another baby?
Was this one planned or just an accident that happened?
What about your career?
Are you pregnant again?
Is he/she a good/bad baby?
Just be and let be. Mothering is unique and so are mothers!!
Take a Deep Breath!!
HAPPY MOTHERHOOD LADIES :)!
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Noor Anand Chawla says
This was funny to read as I have heard many of them addressed to me at various points in my parenting journey! People can be so insensitive.
Gurjeet Chhabra says
Omg, this does not list happen with me a lot. People use to say it and really hurt it and that makes me understand if u felt bad never ever say this words to another mom
Sandy N Vyjay says
Though the challenges that moms face may look similar, there are many differences beneath the surface as no child or family will be alike. Each mom has a different set of challenges unique to her, hence comparison of any sort will never be fair. It is apt to understand rather than be judgmental of other moms and their parenting styles.
My cousin sister has recently given birth. I will keep your thoughts in mind what not to say to a new mom. 🙂
Nidhi KM says
That’s a nice initiative. We should be supportive to each other and learn from each other’s strengths and opportunities. This not only creates positivity but also help us raise kids better
Amrit kaur says
I always talk to my mom as well as my friends who are mothers now. It is necessary to hear them so that they can speak their heart out.
Seriously you said my mind I think women are more judgmental towards fellow women than men are. Anyways we need to be considerate and reaching out is the key.
This is so helpful you know.. All the things you have mentioned are so practical.
This is such a difficult post to write and read. I know how easily people get carried away in their good intentions and say things which are unnecessary and hurtful. Hopefully posts like this would create some sensitivity and awareness
Prerna Sinha says
Thank you Isheita, for stopping by and this means a lot.