To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First
All those who say that parenting is no joke, are actually correct. It requires a great deal of patience, creativity and energy – both physical and emotional. Children change our worlds upside down. They are demanding, giving, and transform our lives for good.
My husband and I have often caught ourselves, discussing or arguing in front of our kids. Something our parents never did. While it’s great to involve kids in discussion, I have realised over the years that we should never argue in front of them. I grew up knowing that my parents shared a bond that we couldn’t disrupt and that gave me a lot of solace. This is exactly what we tend to forget while handling our relationships.
Often, we parents are so involved with our kids that we forget some of our own priorities – one of which is keeping the spark alive in the marriage.
Happy marriage means happy kids
Marriage brings excitement, hope and of course love in two people’s lives. However, as the relationship grows, so do the responsibilities. Couples usually become so comfortable in each other’s company that they stop putting any extra efforts on their romantic relationship. There are several reasons due to which working on your marriage takes a backseat. The fast life, demanding careers and sometimes simply taking other’s presence for granted can wreak havoc on a marriage.
It’s not only the marriage that suffers in the process, unhappy couples could have a disastrous effect on their children. Conflicts in a marriage leads to unhappy conversations and harsh arguments. Research suggests that children of all ages from infancy through early adulthood have adverse impact due to parental discord. Kids become emotionally insecure, have poor mental health and have failed relationships even during their adulthood.
Could there be anything worse?
Parents play a crucial role in developing children’s emotional quotient and this can’t be achieved to the fullest if parents themselves are dealing with relationship issues. So if you want that your kids should be happy, focus your shift on re-igniting the lost love with your spouse.
Working on your marriage could be tricky. Here are some quick ideas to strengthen the bonding with your partner.
1. Have a dedicated “us” time
And yes, you have to exclude your kids. Remember the time when you had no children? You went for shopping, took out time for movies or simply cooked together – just to be with each other. After having children, parents just conveniently forget that they have life outside of their parental roles. It might seem unnerving that you leave the kids to spend time with your spouse. But believe me, they will be happier to see their parents bonding with each other so well after that dinner date or a common hobby class.
Spending some time away from your kids won’t make you bad parents.
2. Don’t forget to flirt with each other
Flirting is not bad. In fact, it is much needed when you want a stronger marriage. Yung parents get conscious with the idea of playing naughty when kids are hovering around. Well, you don’t have to go overboard or take any risks. But a little mischief, a cute cuddle, a quick kiss or just a sweet text can do wonders for your marriage. These sweet acts remind couples that they are still special and desirable. Go, try it now!
3. Plan short trips without your partner and children
Shocked? Don’t be. Temporary distance is actually good for your relationship. And if you are worried about your kids, don’t be either. You should learn to give them some space too (unless they’re infants, of course). It is seen that kids learn better when parents give them opportunity to learn and grow. Your short trip could be a perfect such opportunity.
4. Don’t ignore physical intimacy
That’s the basic need, right? Physical intimacy is a very important aspect of a healthy marriage which unfortunately many couples ignore, especially after becoming parents. A good sex life is known to have physical and emotional benefits. It releases endorphins – the feel-good chemical, that improves mood and reduces irritability.
5. Never let your parenting arguments spoil your relationship
Yes, parenting could be stressful and it is very much possible that couples have differences in their parenting style. But don’t let those differences spoil your relationship romantically. Parenting is a team work and will work best when both parents don’t let it take a toll on their bonding. Marriage is tender – nurture it.
6. Work as a team to raise independent kids
This is a big service you can do for your kids as well as your marriage. Working on your marriage is much easier if you have independent kids. Imagine you having an intense conversation with your partner with your little one clinging on to you. Or your morning coffee time disrupted only because your child wants to go potty.
It’s a huge relief when kids can handle many of the things themselves. As parents, we need to make them capable enough so that they are not dependent on anyone, and we can look forward to some quality time with the partner.
It is true that kids are the centre of parents’ world but this should never be an excuse for ignoring the marriage. Sure, you can put your marriage on autopilot but let me tell you – that’s not sustainable. Those family mealtimes are important but before that children need to spend some time seeing the beauty of your bonding. Marriage is more of a priority, especially after you become parents.