It’s Upto You!

If you are born and brought up in a small town, like me and if you were born at least 30 years earlier, you will identify with me. Trust me those were the ‘dark ages’. Don’t wear this! Don’t do this! This is not how good girls behave ! The list goes on. But then rebellion is born where there is suppression. One day, I decided that the only way to find myself was to leave the town and explore the life beyond .

Luckily, my dad was very supportive when it came to my education. I wanted to be a Fashion Designer and the reaction I got was, “You want to be a tailor?”

You see, way back in mid 90s, the only career paths that existed were the engineering route or the Medical science.Anything apart was non-acceptable. So, I went ahead and joined the most reputed course in Delhi University and three years later realised how I still wanted to be in the fashion and retail industry.

This time though, my resolve was stronger and my dad had started treating me like an adult. I had already stayed in Delhi on my own for three years and was a strong independent woman. I went ahead and completed my design course and got myself a job and a career. I absolutely loved my work. I remember when in two years my salary had surpassed his monthly pay check after 25 years, he was so proud. I had finally used my ‘And’ and didn’t have to choose the ‘Or’, between a career and meeting my parent’s expectations(#UseYourAnd).

Here on, my journey has been on my own terms. I have had a successful career of my choice, married outside my community to a South Indian. Finally, I got to choose for myself.Then one day I had kids and then again; I was in front of the eternal question of ‘And’ and ‘Or’. Should I give up my job and be a sit-at-home mom and focus on my kids ‘Or’ retain my career and juggle all our lives. Temporarily, the burden of “Or’ won and I gave in. But the want for ‘AND’ never subsided.
No woman can be just a mother and a wife.We need to soar above that and find our own identity. Look for happiness and contentment beyond the family.Just think what will happen when your kids grow and don’t need, rather want you to hover over them?Your husband anyway has a life beyond home and there is just so much time he can give you? You don’t want to be depressed and have a vacuum in your life then.We have spent half our lives studying and making sacrifices no less than our husband or our brothers for our careers, so why just give it all up?
All I can say, I am still stay-at-home-mom but I never stopped fighting for my ‘AND’. I like any dutiful wife and mom finish my chores, (cooking,getting my kids ready for school, instructing my maids), in the morning.

I spend at least two hours in the day doing things that I like blogging, yoga, running, dance, painting etc. I meet up with my friends at least once a week. Have a holiday without my kids once a year. Plan a date night with my husband once a month.Take care of myself and just learn to relax and enjoy life.
So when my kids and my husband are back I am a happy person to greet them.This may not seem a great achievement for many, but for me it’s a step that I have climbed up. From here on I will only move forward. I have finally found how to #UseMyAnd. Ladies don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle!